have i told you why i started these words, my love? why my mama heart knew i needed to speak to yours? I’m not sure I have. and sometimes, even i lose track of why. so for both of us, let me tell you.
there are things in this life, zoey, that i wish someone had pointed out along the way. big things. things that shouldn’t be missed. sometimes they look like big things and sometimes they masquerade as small ones. but they’re always important. let me tell you a little story.
when your daddy and I got married, he introduced me to a kind of freedom I’d never known. a life free of the chains of pleasing the world around me into loving me. he mirrored to me in an unconditional way what Christ’s love looks like. a kind i can’t earn by pleasing and a kind i won’t lose from disapproval. i think it was then. 21, fresh into marriage and completely clueless that I started asking myself what i liked. who i was. who i wanted to be. besides loving Jesus and being on mission for Him, there wasn’t much else i was sure of. it’s been a lot of years of trying. i’ve discovered a lot of things and i’ve been a lot of people that i don’t really want to be. but i’ve learned much. oh, so much.
not once in my adventure for identity did he laugh at me. even when i was on my fifth new idea in a week he would love me, smile at me and encourage me. whether it meant staying up with me until 3am to glue rhinestones on invitations with a toothpick or listen to my overly excited business plans for being the next big fill-in-the-blank. he would let me dream big all night long.
but in the morning he would show me beauty in a coffee mug. make me stop talking long enough to hear. help me look out the window and be present. because i was missing it. life. in my search for what i would do tomorrow, i missed what was happening today. in my heart, in my world, in what Jesus was doing around me.
that’s what i’m here to be for you. i want to give you experiences and opportunities. introduce you to a world God created that is bigger than yourself. and i want to be the quiet voice that teaches and reminds you to find the beauty under your feet. in your kitchen. in laugh lines and campfires. there is so much magic that Jesus created for us to find. so much of His grace in our everyday.
so you won’t find here words of reproach. lists about what not to try and what you should fear. i won’t tell you who you should stay away from and how to avoid failure.
but you will find words of encouragement. cautious excitement for you to experience life. pieces of what i’m learning, and parts to take with you as you go. and learn them all for yourself. sweet zoey, sharing my heart with you can be exhausting. it takes focus, process, honesty and vulnerability. but it’s also exhilarating. exciting for where life will take you. how Jesus will teach you. and what my role as your mama will be.
there’s also this other little part where i am relieved. relieved that a small glimpse into part of the essence of my heart for you is now in words. that you can read whenever your heart needs them or should i forget to say them. whether I’m here or not, you will be able to know what your mama would have thought. and i can rest a little easier today knowing that something Jesus meant for you to know through me at the right time, you can know.
love you zogirl.