puyallup, wa || a christmas tree date
today was christmast tree training.
we studied them. smelt them.
talked about all the different kinds.
this year was all about the experience.
next year will be the year we bring one home.
first on a sled with a sweet little girl on top for the ride.
then sipping cocoa while we watch your papa tie it down to our rig.
(ps. remind me to tell you about the year when your auntie kate
and i tied our car doors shut while securing our christmas tree)
there’s something about traditions, zogirl. experiences.
i want to give you them all.
some days i get so overwhelmed by all the things i want to teach you.
all the places i want to take you.
all the memories i want to give you.
i get a little worried that i’ll miss one
and that somehow, you’ll miss out.
this world has so much to offer, tiny girl.
how does one mama show you all of creation?
but then i think.
it’s not about what i do.
i can’t be your perfect mama.
no matter how hard i try, i can’t give you the world.
someday i’ll stop. and you’ll keep going.
there will always be more world to see
and i can’t always come with you to see it.
but someday, you’ll get big.
and you’ll learn how to discover it on your own.
and you’ll remind me that i dont have to take you
to the corners of the earth to astound you.
you’ll remind me to look under my shoes at the worms.
and that beauty is right where you are.
marvel is exactly where you look.
if you know how to recoginze it.
so maybe that’s it.
maybe i need not be so concerned that you see everything.
but that i teach you what kinds of eyes to look with.
grateful eyes. hopeful eyes. imaginative eyes.
then each experience. large or small.
will be your perfect memories.
your treasured opportunities.
the ones you’ll die to pass on to your littles.
so when i’m grey and squishy.
and you’re a new, hopeful mama.
come tell me how you’re scared you’ll forget something.
and i’ll tell you what you’ve taught me.
while thinking being a mama was all about teaching you.
i remembered that really, you’re just teaching me.