#1. so i don't forget to tell you
this is how we told the world you were coming, zo.
we didn’t know yet that you were you.
just that you were ours. and nothing seemed more perfect.
this was valentines day. love day. the day we heard your heart beat for the very first time.
when i heard yours beat so quick, and mine so smooth right behind it, i knew
it would be a thing i prayed to hear for the rest of my life. your heart.
in the beginning months when i sneak out of bed so quiet so your daddy
doesn’t smirk at me checking on you. again. praying to hear those beats.
the first time you run across the grass with your puppy and back to me with
rosy cheeks and watery eyes. and i say a little thank you prayer for that racing heart.
the first time someone threatens to break it, that heart i prayed for.
that precious baby heart. and i feel like mine is breaking too.
because once, that heart was inside me. growing & beating safe.
i know the day is coming when you have to leave. to be in my arms and not my middle.
but for just right now my little, i’m glad that day is not today.
(but i’m not worried tiny zo, your daddy is king at keeping hearts safe)
i dressed up a little special for you that day.
(you should probably expect to be dressed up a little special for holidays too)
i read once of a mama who loved to decorate her baby.
some said she was crazy, i thought, she must love being a mama.
i have lots of thoughts about you, baby zo.
every day i remember things i don’t want to forget.
so i think i’ll write them down.
and someday, it’ll be your turn to read them.
and know how your mama dreamed for you. prayed for you. cried for you.
and zo? you already have the best papa.
don’t tell him i told you, he’ll want to show you himself.
but little girl, he was born to be your daddy.
there are so many things to know about this world you’ll soon be in.
i know we can’t teach you all of them, some we’ll have to watch you learn.
(those might be the hardest days)
but someday, you can read these words.
words of wisdom and warning, loveliness and laughter.
words that might sound a little like letters.
letters to my little.